"I'm unable to come into work today; I'm feeling too anxious."
Chances are, if you manage a restaurant, you've received this call or, more likely, a text. How you respond carries not only ethical implications, but legal ones as well. Above all, it's important to recognize potential signs of underlying depression and reasons for concern.
Back in my day
We often hear that today's workforce must tough it out, just as generations before them did. Admittedly, I'm a bit annoyed by the growing lack of accountability. I recall many instances when I felt scared, annoyed, or troubled by the prospect of going to work. Nevertheless, I rallied, got dressed, and showed up because others were counting on me. However, I also recognize that I can't fully empathize with someone else's struggle — I've never grappled with crippling anxiety, and I must respect that.
I also understand that attempting to shame people into showing up is counterproductive. Instead, we need to connect with and genuinely comprehend the unique individuals comprising our teams.
Unpacking the anxiety phenomenon
Anxiety, like numerous conditions, resides along a spectrum of intensity. Some experience mild, situational anxiety. We've all felt a shot of anxiety when running late for a flight or awaiting medical test results. There's also the enigmatic “free-floating anxiety,” where one feels anxious without a discernible cause. I've found this particularly interesting — sitting there, trying to pinpoint the source of unease.
For those grappling with high anxiety levels, the impact can be deeply disruptive and incapacitating. I've witnessed friends and family members undergo a visible transformation the moment anxiety takes hold. It's a physiological response, a chemical reaction. In these cases, medical experts can assist in determining whether medication could help.
Coping in times of panic
Whether stressed about working a shift, showing up for an event, or meeting someone new — no matter what the scenario, we all have highly effective tools to help relieve stress and find balance in the moment.
Begin by taking a pause and focusing on your breath.
Consciously inhale for a few seconds, followed by a controlled exhale for the same duration (repeat). This simple technique effectively slows the heart rate and instills a sense of calm. Sometimes it works almost immediately; other times, it takes longer — but inevitably we find calm.
Listen to music you love. Grab a pen and journal your thoughts. Play that neglected instrument in the corner. Tune into a favorite TV show. Summon a happy memory — a day at the park, chomping on your favorite cookie. Redirect your thoughts to something more relaxing.
Keep the focus on your breath.
Stay hydrated. Dehydration fuels fatigue and irritability, and tends to dim our mental spark. A low blood sugar level might be the culprit; sometimes we need to grab a snack to level off.
I’m a huge fan of meditation and regular exercise to help keep us balanced. Whether or not we meditate and exercise regularly will influence how quickly we find our balance again.
Ugh, that manager is working today
I’ve often heard that in battle, soldiers find themselves fighting more for the person next to them than the bigger cause. Now, that’s a far-stretched comparison to showing up for a bussing shift. There are bad managers who stress us out and sometimes we don’t want to go into work just to avoid them. Yet still, in our lack of empathy for them, we’re actually hurting the people we’re supposed to show up alongside. Anyone who’s worked in restaurants knows how quickly a shift can go from “we got this” to “this is awful” in seconds depending on whether or not coworkers showed up to their shift.
Navigating legal territory
Laws vary by state and jurisdiction. Taking California as an example, anxiety is protected in the same manner as sickness. The appropriate response is, "Thank you for notifying me; I hope you feel better."
Avoid calling or sending reactionary texts; these actions open the door to legal liabilities, including compensatory time — meaning the employee must be paid for such exchanges.
Reference the company's policy for sick leave.
When anxiety meets depression
Look for signs of depression, mental stability, and indications of suicidal tendencies. Anxiety, in certain contexts, serves as a red flag for underlying problems. Should someone confide in you about their struggles, lend an empathetic ear. Unless an immediate crisis presents itself, resist the urge to offer solutions. Sometimes, just being there and listening is the best support you can offer.
Therapeutic resources are increasingly accessible. We can direct you to our partners. It's crucial that everyone knows to contact the national mental health hotline at 988 if they experience suicidal thoughts or deep depression.
The current landscape
Parenting, societal dynamics, political culture, social media, shedding light on mental health conversations, and the pandemic collectively contribute to heightened workplace and global anxiety. Many still struggle in crowds after years of pandemic-based isolation. Unaddressed trauma often surfaces during routine activities, manifesting as anger. As my mother appropriately put it, "My body is undergoing the nervous breakdown my mind earned."
Our path forward
What do we do with this information? We pause and breathe. We search for understanding within ourselves and each other. We give each other space. We seek help. And we show up for ourselves — by nurturing our well being — so that we can show up for each other.
At Arrow Up Training, we’re working with leaders of all levels to help managers empathetically, effectively, and legally support the challenges of today.
None of the above constitutes legal or medical advice. For concerns, seek guidance from licensed professionals.
AUTHOR BIO
Jason Berkowitz is the founder of ARROW UP Training, innovative online training for the hospitality industry. Jason’s first job was as a 14-year-old fast-food cashier. Today he’s built teams large and small from fast casual to Michelin stars. He’s the author of “Please Don’t Sleep With The Host.”
