Question: Do you still write those columns where you make up the questions and answer them because you don’t have enough material on a single topic to flesh out a whole column?
Answer: Keep reading and you’ll find out.
Q: Why haven’t you informed the world that the Krystal sandwich chain has a Krystal Chik Calendar on its website? Are they trying to be like Hooters,or what?
A: I didn’t know about the calendar until a week or so ago, when I was rummaging around various restaurant websites. And no, Krystal is far from imitating the Hooters Girls calendar. Little known fact: Catholics who look at the Hooters calendar during Lent are condemned to an eternity of fire and brimstone. Krystal’s calendar, though sexy, is a relatively chaste effort, and it fits in with the chain’s continued targeting of college students and young men and women.
Q: Is it true that a group of moms has put out a hit on Burger King’s notorious King?
A: Yes it is, judging from a new TV spot for the Bacon Double Homestyle Melt. The “Hitmoms” are upset that the sandwich is better than they could make. They approach a tough-looking guy and hand him a couple photos of the King.
“So, you want to whack the King, huh?” the guy says.
They do, and they want him to suffer. This very well may be the world’s first TV spot to use a murder-for-hire theme to promote a new burger.
Q: Weren’t you confused the other night when you were watching TV and you heard the theme from “The Odd Couple” TV show come on, and you thought it was an ad for Subway, but it wasn’t?
A: Indeed I was. In fact, I turned to a friend and said: “Oh, here’s that spot for Subway I was telling you about, the one with Jared Fogle and New Orleans Saints running back Reggie Bush, where the screen is divided into two, showing Reggie lifting weights while Jared lifts a laundry basket, and Reggie relaxing by a pool while Jared cleans a pool, and all the while the “Odd Couple” theme is playing. It’s kind of sappy. The commercial, I mean. Not the theme.”
The ad that came on, though, was for the Honda Civic Hybrid. The guy who drives the Honda goes around picking up after the slobs who drive other cars while the “Odd Couple” theme plays.
Q: What’s the best-named holiday promotion so far?
A: “Happy Tamaledays” at the 14 Berryhill Baja Grill restaurants in Texas. It’s a turkey-tamale promotion.
Q: Do you still believe that commercials with sports celebrities are a waste of time?
A: For the most part, yes. But I do enjoy watching the “Dukes of Chicken” spot for Bojangles’ Famous Chicken ’n Biscuits starring Jake Delhomme and Steve Smith of the Carolina Panthers. It’s an amusing spoof of “Dukes of Hazzard,” and I like when the players blow up a shed with explosive footballs.
Q: Is it possible to make latkes out of White Castle Slyders?
A: It’s not only possible, it’s been done! A woman from New Melle, Mo., won White Castle’s 16th annual recipe contest by creating a dish called The Latkes You Crave. Your unasked question, no doubt, is whether the contest helps White Castle sell more burgers. The answer to that is…well, I don’t know. Every marketing tactic does not necessarily have to generate sales. Some tactics are designed merely to make consumers feel good about a brand, which is how I felt after flipping through the Krystal Chik Calendar.
